Some
names are immediately associated with class, let’s face it.
Shankly, Keegan, Cryuff for example.
Others form a natural double act - Clough & Taylor, Ferguson &
Kidd, Poskett & Newton
the legendary Hartlepool strike force, Hansen & Lawrensen (ask your dad,
kids, they did something else before Match of the Day.)
Other
names just don’t have that magic ingredient.
Let’s face it Owen, Harvey and Eckford sound like the clog-dancing
back-line of Accrington Stanley in the early post-war years.
Similarly Hickey, Howell and Eckford sound rather grim and are no true
reflection of the fun that I once had down at Kingsholm.
Especially with Sandra’s rolls.
To
your average Glawster, supporter the names of Blackburn and Hainsworth are the
ones that linger in the memory. To
all connoisseurs of football, glasses are raised nightly from Cornwall to
Wolverhampton in celebration of their all too brief career.
But some time has passed now and Jen has told me that the News of the
World are trying to get Ken to tell his side of the story.
After Sir Alex’s best-seller and before Sir Alan’s I have decided to
cash in now. I am thus able to
grant you exclusive excerpts from “Life with the Black:
My Story,” by The Voice of Football.
Critics
( Ken’s sobbing daughters, wife and sons and Alan in the Pike and his Uncle La
and Peter and Jan Butler and the staff at The Royal
) accused me of being too harsh in my previous articles, so I am going to
try my best and show Ken in the best possible light and set the record straight.
These are the stories that show just what kind of bloke the real Ken Blackburn
is .........
Ken
- Master Tactician
I
had astutely begun to suspect Ken
was up to something. Every week Ken
would suggest I work with the keeper or go over throw - ins with the reserve
left - back. As soon as I was out
of earshot Ken would call the boys in and discuss what to do in penalty
shoot-outs. I suspected nothing
until a crunch game with Swindon. At
the half - time pep talk Ken was
giving his usual, authoritative homily when he was betrayed.
One hates to cause problems in the fair City of Glawster, but the boy was
from the wrong side of Matson: a
Robinswood child.
“But
Ken, with the diamond formation who marks the striker ?”
Ken
moved on swiftly, a bit red-faced. This
was all news to me so I asked one of the subs about this Diamond Formation.
“Oh,
well, Ken says we shouldn’t tell you. Ken
says you’re from Hartlepool and it is too complicated for you to understand.
Sorry, ” he mumbled.
I
was shocked that Ken could pull such a perfidious trick, and later in the
“Pike and Musket,” I asked him about it.
“
O, don’t worry about that, And - it’s a new tactic and it’s a sure fire
winner.”
Match
of the Day was playing in the background. Above
the din and chaos I could make out Motty.
“
Beardsley waltzed through the Spurs’ defence
easily. What is Venables
doing with this new Diamond formation.
It’s an utter and complete
shambles ! What are
they doing ? Spurs 0,
Newcastle 3. ”
“You
know best, Ken, ” The
Voice smiled.
Ken
the Linguist
As
one who has had a glorious career with Brighton, Cheltenham, The Pike and
Shortwood Veterans, Ken finds it hard NOT using the F-word.
Thus it was in the middle of our first game, a pre-season friendly at
Oxstalls that Ken felt it necessary to coach the back-four (or three, or two - I
didn’t know if we were using the Diamond then.)
“And
will you stop ffffffff .........ffffffffff .fffffffffffff ............ “
Ken paused – he was unable to think of a suitable word.
“filly fallying around at the back.”
It never really caught on as a catch phrase, but Ken and the f-word went
from strength to strength.
Ken
the Economist
“How
much, Sandra ? Eight quid for two
coffees and a kit-kat seems a bit steep ! ”
“
Stop moaning, And. Ken said you
were going to settle the “B” team hospitality account today.”
“
Oh, right,” I muttered. It was
going to be long season. It was
September 12th.
“Don’t
worry, And, I’ll get it next week ! ”
“But
we haven’t got a game, ” I shouted after him, but Ken was engrossed in his
book, “The Terry Venables Guide to Successful Business Practice.”
Ken
the Historian
On
our first trip to Plymouth I had a few words to say about our host city. Being a
teacher I had prepared a short, yet interesting lecture.
Ken cut me short. He had
done a few jobs there in the late seventies ( I believe all litigation has been
completed now) and he knew the City well.
“
This pub here, boys, is the most famous place in Plymouth. ”
We
were all impressed. The great sage
continued.
“
You’ve heard about the Pilgrims, haven’t you ? Well this is where they set
off from. They popped in here for a
few pints, jumped in that boat there then rowed to America.”
The boys were most impressed with Ken’s learning.
Say what you like about grammar school education, Ken is a walking advert
for Crypt.
