B Team Tour to Bassetlaw 2003

 Pilot : Rob Lloyd      Navigator : Stu White

The trip to Worksop (Bassetlaw) was, unlike last year, faultless, the earlier start allowing the team to travel via all known motorway routes without any delays. Both Pilot and Navigator ensured, as a result of excellent navigation and driving skills, that the team arrived at their destination watered, fed and toileted in good time to relax before their opening game. In fact there was even time to stop off for a photo shoot with the Sloggi underwear models........the cheek of it!! So we aptly named our young charges.....The Sloggit Boys.

 (Photos available on request from Mr S. White)

Once at the hotel the boys were asked to settle into their rooms as the Managers hoped for a quiet hour to watch and play Countdown. No such luck!! Willetts scurried to Management HQ confessing to have derailed the curtains in his room. Mr. Lloyd was called into action to find curtains and runner in a heap below the window. Willetts proclaimed his innocence stating that he just swished them closed. With a knack for D.I.Y. the Management re-assembled the problem with the use of a teaspoon, and having tested the fixture with a good tug concluded that ‘Swish’ Willetts was not totally blameless in the initial derailment. Calm was re-established and Management suggested that the team employed a “Don’t touch!” policy.

Having watched the final flight of Concorde the team positively flew to Harworth. Navigator and Pilot, now comfortable in their knowledge of the local area headed down the back lanes to arrive at the ground shortly before 6:45pm. This resulted in an earlier kick off at the request of the impressed Bassetlaw Management.

The side played their opening game with determination, however fell short of the passing qualities demonstrated by a strong Bassetlaw ‘A’ Team. Two nil would have been a fair result, but two basic errors eventually gave Bassetlaw a 4-0 victory.

Having polished off their post match meal, the squad were keen to test their endurance levels with Slush Puppies. The test was to see who could drink it all in one go. As a result there was a rash of brain freezes, though as the saying goes...........where there’s no sense there’s little feeling! Rory ‘Harry Potter’ Lamden then gave an extraordinary cabaret act with his rubber-like tongue. He was able to form it into shapes and contortions that make the mind boggle. Tongue origami!!! It is such a strange sight that it needs to be seen to be believed. It was certainly a hit with the touring Gloucester mothers!!

A small presentation was then carried out for Mr. Brown. Following a collection by his good friends, he was presented with an assistant referee’s shirt for his sterling work along the touchline. Having been informed that he only needs to run half the line, we hope he will continue to do the job fully adorned in his new top.

On our departure from the club house our supporters were welcomed to join the Management for last orders at the hotel.  Following a faultless journey back to base, the team rested comfortably. Management relaxed with a well earned refreshment in the company of Mr Jack Tarr, when in stumbled the travelling troop hoping to join us for a night cap...... at 11:30pm!!!! Unfortunately they had missed last orders and with their tails between their legs had to seek a new watering hole.

In the morning our hosts provided us with a superb cooked breakfast and the behaviour of the team was excellent, the hotel owners stating that the boys were a credit to the association. Following room inspections where all curtains remained intact we bade our farewell to Bassetlaw and made a navigationally faultless trip to Derby. The team again played with real determination, but failed to release the final killer pass to pressure the home side’s defence. The game was a close, evenly fought affair with an own goal from a sliced clearance giving Derby ‘A’ a 2-1 win.

The team then headed, faultlessly, to Pride Park the home of Derby County F.C, parking effortlessly beside the ground. With time to kill we had a wander around the JJB superstore and Derby supporters’ shop. In the latter the Derby kit was being sold off at £5 a go. Not ones for missing a bargain and with itchy wallets, GPSFA almost bought the lot. The Management then herded their young rams, now fully clad in their replica shirts, onwards to the catering facilities. Again Lamden showed his prowess with his tongue to chomp through his burger with a single bite before licking his face from ear to ear. Yes - his ears!!! Touching our noses is difficult enough, but Lamden has set the benchmark for others to follow and suggestions were that the Guinness Book of Records may need to be informed. After dancing with an extremely large hedgehog we met again with our good friend Jack Tarr who was kind enough to get our tickets as well as a few Derby mementoes.

We all watched Coventry overcome a disappointing Derby County 3-1, and as the game went on our young rams sank lower and lower in their seats before removing their recently acquired purchases to sit up again proudly in their Gloucester tops. A vocal home fan provided extra entertainment giving a comical commentary of proceedings, calling for penalties in the centre circle. At times we were left crying with laughter, Jack Tarr stating that one village had lost its idiot for the afternoon. How right he was!

Following the game, Management informed the young rams that the derby kit was now on sale for a pound, with a few gullible ones wanting £4 in compensation.

The final leg of the journey was yet again faultless, with the team bus arriving back at headquarters a good half an hour ahead of schedule.

The games were lost, but the experience was most certainly a winner.

Thank you Sloggit Boys!! London here we come!!

R. Lloyd and S.White

Copyright © 2004 Gloucester Primary Schools Football Association